crazy me

assalamualaikum n hello there....

it's been quite sometime since the last time i wrote something here..trust me its not that i dont want to but i cant... life starting becoming bzier and crazy sometime (is it..??).. i dont know.. i had something in mind... something that is stupid.. but it have been quite some time i've been keeping this feeling about this and it's starting to annoyed me.. or hurt me.. i just can't believe i even cry bout this.. how stupid am i.. it's just the feeling about not being recognised.. even with your classmate n even with your group for assgnmnt.. although i've been with them for i dont know 6 month ++ and been doing assgnmnt with them.. making it more sad is when they know all of my friend except me.. i know that i dont stand out much.. but whenever and wherever they are i'm just kind of there.. n they juz i dont know seing me as invisible or something till they say they never saw me before.. ??? its not that i want to be popular or something.. this thing always happen to me since forever.. at school.. and now.. hmm.. it's sad actually hanging around with people that are very well known and you just like a shadow of them or something.. the same story goes to him.. when everybody know him.. like him.. especially gurls... kind of freaking me out coz it is not juz any gurl.. it's like the princess type very pretty and perfect or something.. something it makes me get on my nerve whenever i opened FB seing they commenting or giving advise or something about something i dont even know what happen to them and it's kind of irritating...

recently the fighting event is becoming more frequent than usual and it's not just any fighting or misunderstanding.. the one that hurt the most is me.. now that he cant control his anger n protecting his "FRIENDS" more than me.. when whatever his "FRIENDS" said is more valuable than me till i feel that i'm useless for him so i wanted him to let go of me.. coz his "FRIENDS" are a lot better than me till i have no right to know what his problems are.. and i think that he think his "FRIENDS" and only his "FRIENDS" understand him better than me... AARRRGGGGHHHH... all the "FRIENDS" thing just... !@#$%^&.. ohh i felt realy tired and sick of all these thing..

when i though about it.. is it i'm jelous bcoz i dont have all that?? or is it i'm afraid to lose him?? it's just me who though all that not him.. not they.. who am i to them right.. yeah it's me.. NOBODY.. THE UNKNOWN.. STRANGER.. for him i might be jelous... but for them.. sometime it might be but i'm used to that so it can't be.. but whenever it happen i'm just irritated.. that's all.. sometimes it is good not to be known (that is what i feel).. but sometime it just so irritating..

lilsomething say: missing someone who will always be with me...